Lost In Translation: An Odd Short Story

    For this English assignment, we were supposed to analyze how English idioms may be lost in translation. I saw the homework and thought "Analyze? HA! What a BORING phrase.  I can certainly do better than that! " 

Well, I'm not sure If I did better, but I hope you find this a bit more interesting than a boring, everyday analysis.                                                                                                                     

. . .

Penny- For-Your-Thoughts was not excited to ride a plane. When her father,Cat- Out-Of-The-Bag, had told her that they were visiting another country, she had shivered. There was no way she would take one foot out of her hometown of Olaren. After weeks of constant bombardment from both her father and brother, she had shakily agreed. Now she was sitting on a plane, flying far away to Larent, across three oceans and countless mountains. Penny- For-Your-Thoughts was determined to count as high as she could the entire time, but her flight wasn’t allowing it. So far, she had restarted seven times.

    The first time, Penny had been interrupted at 142 when Devils-Advocate, her sneaky little brother, had put a slap-EEE under her seat. She had jumped up, screaming, with a very sore behind. The other passengers, several of which had been drooling in their otherwise-peaceful sleep, looked up. Then the plane had seemed to over-pressurize with whispers.

Penny flinched at the memory and shifted in her seat. Oh yes, her parents had been very wise to name Devil as they had- he was such a..a.. a devilish little thing.

    Penny- For-Your-Thoughts glanced out of the window that she had been awarded the honor of sitting next to.  Meadows of soft, fluffy cloud were rolling under the plane. Somewhere far below her, silent cities were alive with snores and late-night television.  Penny turned over to fall asleep.

    Just when she was beginning to drift off, a woman’s image appeared on the screen embedded into her eyepiece. She was speaking in a different language, but there were words at the bottom of the screen in Penny’s language. The woman’s image said

“Hello, my name is Abridged Story, and I just need all of you to buckle up!

Abridged Story? Thought Penny, What kind of name was that? She didn’t spend too much time wondering about names though, Abridged Story was moving on.

“We are entering some turbulence and things might bump around a little.   Not to worry, we will be leaving this hazard soon. Happy flying!”

Abridged Story had certainly ‘abridged the story’.  When she had said a little bumping, Penny had expected a little jostling and a few shakes of the plane. Penny had not been expecting a sore head from a jump that had thrown her to the ceiling. She had not been expecting her limited luggage to fly out of the overhead and break open. She certainly hadn’t expected her clothes to jumble up with those of the old man sleeping in the next aisle over. Now she knew why Abridged Story was so named.  

    Two hours later, luggage was back to its proper bag, and the plane was preparing for touch down. Penny and her family exited the plane through a strange, telescopic ramp. Devils-Advocate was having too much fun with the echos in the ramp. When they finally made it off of the ramp, Penny’s ears almost sighed with relief.

Until it was time for the security check. Then things got ugly.

When Penny reached the forest of security technology, she gulped. This part always made her feel small. The man at the desk looked down at her past a long, crooked nose.

“I trust you met Long Story Short?” he asked with a hint of teasing in his voice.  

Penny’s father leaned down and whispered,

“He means Abridged Story”

Oh! Thought Penny-For-Your-Thoughts, That’s what was wrong with the woman’s name, It had been mistranslated!

The guard asked for their names in a thick accent. He sounded like he didn’t speak Penny’s language clearly.

Penny’s father replied smoothly, pointing at each one of them in turn. when he was finished, the guard looked at him with wide eyes, as though Cat-Out-Of-The-Bag had just told him he was carrying a gun.  He grabbed their bags and almost threw them through a scanner. Then the guard looked angry.

“There is no life in these bags” he said nastily. Then ushered Penny, Devil and Cat through the line and out of the door.

“If you ever say such horrible things again, I might not be so merciful.”

Penny wondered what had caused such an uncalled-for  reaction.

On the way to the hotel Cat- Out-Of-The-Bag explained the guard’s behavior to Penny and Devil.

“ You see,” he began “While our names are very beautiful, and describe us well in our language, in some languages, like the guard’s, our names get mixed up.”

“Sweet!” Exclaimed Devils-Advocate. “Are you saying that my name means, like, BEEP and BEEP?”

Penny groaned.  Her brother was always the most devilish addition to the party.

“Not exactly,” Chuckled  Cat-Out-Of-The-Bag. “I believe that Mr. Grumpy-upagus back there is under the impression I just called him a devil with thoughts worth less than a penny.”

It was then that the taxi driver closed the window between himself and his passengers, they were too crazy for this time of morning.

Penny’s father continued with a gleam in his eye. “He also thought I told him there was a very vicious house cat living in my suitcase.”

At that point all three of them burst out laughing. With tears of joy in their eyes, they spent the remainder of the car ride making up new names for each other and wondering what the rest of their vacation would make of them.