Found: Secret Letters Between Coach Hedge and Mellie

While leaving the gym parking lot earlier today, (because going to the gym is totally what I actually do) I passed a really short guy running down the road. I'm not saying he's short to be rude or anything, but seriously. This guy was probably five feet max. He was short. Anyway, he was sprinting after a yellow school bus screaming "GIMME MY ENCHILADAS!" at the top of his lungs and, in his haste to avenge his lunchbox, he dropped his gym bag.

Now, before I continue, lets make sure we are clear on something: I am not a thief, and, had it been any one or anything else I would have turned the bag into the lost and found.

However.

There were a few things that told me this was no ordinary short human male.
1. He was wearing a canary yellow warm up suit. Yuck.
2. He was short, he was wearing a baseball cap and his "feet" were slipping around in his shoes.
3. Go back and read the all caps quote that he was screaming at the top of his lungs
4. In case you are too lazy to go and look for it, he was screaming  "GIMME MY ENCHILADAS!"
5. He was running. Normal dudes would just get in their car.

So, my excellent observation skills rivaling those of Sherlock Holmes himself told me that this was not an ordinary man. Also, being the fangirl that I am never not, I knew that I could not turn down the opportunity to get my hands on something belonging to a book character. Especially one that I suspected was from a Rick Riordan book.  Naturally, I did the naughty, illegal, and highly inadvisable thing: I stole the bag.

What! No! She Wouldn't! are probably going though your head right now. Are you having a heart attack? Read the next paragraph for important safety instructions...

Safety Tip

Defibrillators are usually located next to the gym in schools, and in the kitchens at coffee shops. If your at home, I've heard Baymax has some defibrillators programmed into his palms.

Okay. Now that your heart is working again, (hopefully) I'm going to tell you what was in the bag. If you are a fangirl: sit down and try not to pass out from excitement.

The first thing I noticed about the bag was an obnoxious crinkling sound that was emitted from the main pocket every time the bag moved. I peered inside and found the culprit. The source of the noise also doubled as proof that this was, indeed Coach Hedge's bag: Crumpled up and chewed tin cans.

Hedge likes off-brand Cream Soda - who knew?!

So I guess I cheated the guy out of his post-workout snack. Whoops. He'll get over it (hopefully.)

The next thing I found was a lovely  (Read: hideous) canary yellow ref's jersey complete with all your soccer reffing essentials!

I'm starting to wonder if I haven't played a game reffed by this guy before....

Great. The guy had a game to catch I guess. Oh well, I'm sure he gets weekly emails from SCORE sports anyway - he can replace 'em next time he's online.

The tin cans and outfit are nothing compared to what lies ahead, however, so hold onto your baseball caps - this is gonna know your false-feet off! 

 

Yep. You read that right. In the front pocket, I found nothing less than FOUR letters to and from Coach Hedge and Mellie. I. Struck. Gold. Not oh-no-Hazel-touched-it-so-it's-cursed gold. I'm talkin' truckload-of-signed-books gold. Pure awesomeness.

But Wait! There's more! You get to READ the letters. Oh yeah. Front-row-seats-to-a-book-release-style gold. 

The first one is from Mellie, writen on delicate vellum and decorated with loving wind-nymph doodles: 

NOTE: the letters were rolled up in scrolls, so I had to weigh them down to get a picture. 

Can't read that tiny, overlapped print? No worries! I translated it:

My Dearest Gleeson,

Its been so long since you last contacted me - iris message or otherwise - I was beginning to worry. Those little demigods haven't been too much trouble for your super-goat skills, have they?

Things have been so hectic here in hollywood, I almost miss my job with Aeolus!The crazy things people do to their appearances are just so disturbing.Piper’s dad is fine, though. He hasn’t been any trouble. The poor man doesn’t remember a thing about the magic, but he genuinely misses his daughter - you will tell her that for me, won’t you? It would mean the world to both Piper and her father.

 I have been telling Mr. McLean for weeks that his daughter is fine at her boarding school, and he seems convinced, but I may be more convincing if I knew for sure. Tell me, Gleeson, how are those three? Sometimes those heroes forget that they are not immortal and they lose sight of their good nature. I know that you think that they are annoying, but they are quite brave, so please give them a bit of a break. 

Remember, you're there to help them and you won’t be doing them any good if you're off killing the wrong monster. I know, I know, sometimes you just can’t help your overly-brave goat attitude, but those breathing routines that I told you about should help with some of that. You are keeping up with the routines, aren’t you? If you like, you could think of them as warm-ups that you have to do so that you don’t pull a muscle.

  

Oh, I miss you so much. I am doing all that I can to keep busy, and one would think that in the hollywood craze I would be running around non stop, but it really isn’t so bad. I even had extra time to do the laundry and the dishes, but the training I took for Aeolus’s secretary  has me prepared for so much more than this. 

I shouldn’t be complaining, though. I have been growing sore recently - a feeling that I am not accustomed to as a wind nymph, but maybe it’s only the mental strain that comes from worrying about you. I know that you can take care of yourself, but even satyrs dont always win in a fight against all of the oldest giants known to olympus.

When are you going to be home? I’m sure that you're doing all that you can to speed up the quest, but still, even you may need a break from saving the world. Do they give you any paid time off as a protector? Oh well, all you can do is try to help the “cupcakes” as much as you can.

Read that last line again, Coach - I mean it!

Please write back soon - or Iris Message at the very least. I need a handsome goat in my life. Or, at least a brave and enthusiastic one.  

With the love of all my heart,

Mellie 

P.S. I can tell that you have been working on your penmanship, when you're not writing in marker, its almost legible!

So, there's letter one for ya. I will share with you one more letter today, then the other two tomorrow. Gotta get some Rick Riordan style cliff-hanger in here, right? Plus, too much awesomeness at once can result in spontaneous combustion, because that's probably what happens with Leo. 

Alright, Without further ado, letter number two:

Looks like Coach got a little carried away with the Gatorade...

And the back.....

And as for the drawings in the margins.....Some lovely art by Gleeson Hedge himself, 

And the translation:

Hey Mellie,

I’m glad to hear that you’re doing well in Hollywood. I must admit, I was worried that it might be too hectic for you - I could have handled it of course - but a pretty nymph like yourself may not be able to stay so airy in an atmosphere like that. 

These demigods are this close to making my head explode. The last time I saw you, there were only three, not they have more than doubled! There are seven of them, but another one - a son of Hades - who likes to tag along and scare the others. Yes, that’s right! I’m on a greek warship -trireme I think it’s called - with no less than seven demigods, plus one! I know that you worry about them, and that’s sweet and all, but trust me, they don’t need any babying. If anything, they could use a nice whack from my baseball bat. 

It’s good though, I guess. All the work that I put into those rambunctious cupcakes keeps me on my toes. I also have tons of fun confiscating their belongings. I have found a plethora of cool things: an owl necklace, some chinese handcuffs, blue jellybeans, screws, even a golden nugget! Imagine how many tin cans I could buy with that! For poor monster fighters, these kids really live well. 

One of the demigods is insanely hard to keep up with, Frank I think he’s called.  It would appear that he can turn into a dolphin, an iguana, a gorilla, a dragon - even a giant gold fish. Gods of Olympus, I am never taking the cupcakes to an aquarium again! I try to give the demigods a break, as you requested, but what do they do the minute they have a break from their monsters? They hop into the fish tank and turn into goldfish. I can’t believe that humans call them kids! Honestly, these young humans are anything but kids. 

While these demigods are fun, I sure can’t wait to come home. An old goat like myself needs to rest every so often. I am so anxious to plant a garden back in New York, I haven’t had a fresh mushroom salad in weeks! That carnation you sent with your last letter was perfect - just the right amount of crunch, but not too sweet. Perfectly refreshing. 

I hope that you're keeping my special coffee cup safe. The cupcakes are too young to appreciate coffee, so it hasn’t been in large supply. When I come home, though, I'm gonna make a cup of coffee so huge, I won’t sleep for a week!

Hey, speaking of food, you wouldn’t be able to send me some more Root Beer, would you? There’s just something about the cans that makes my mouth water. mmmmmmm. And none of that Sprite stuff, much too sour for my taste. I like Root Beer the best. Oh, and please make sure to send you next letter via Hermes Invisa-Mail. Jason almost caught that last one on the way in - I had to shout about giant birds and evil wind spirits to throw him off the scent. Can you imagine what the cupcakes would do if I showed weakness? Bahh, they’re already defiant as it is, I would have to eat an Argo Ⅱ load of tin cans to make up for the embarrassment. 

There’s no need to worry, though. I’m a helpful goat, and these demigods should be back home soon. 

Your #1 satyr, 

Gleeson Hedge

P.S. What does P.S. mean?

Ha! did you catch that in Paragraph three? He confiscated a bunch of stuff. Guess what else was in that gym bag!

Yes! All the stolen items.

Mine, All mine.Uh, to share with you and then return, of course........

It even came with a complete inventory:

So, we will do this just like the letters: half today, half tomorrow. Going down the list....

Coaches Notes for this one read:
 Demigod: Percy Jackson
Item: Blue Candy
Comments: From Annabeth. Poison?
(sheesh, our Percabeth just can't get a break ever since Coach discovered them in the stables that night.....)

And from Piper:

Demigod: Piper Mclean
Item: Makeup Bag
Comments: Stolen? Good Girl.

And to wrap it up for the day:

Demigod: Nico DiAngelo
Item: Myth-O-Magic Game Cards
Comments: Really, Nico?

Well, that concludes our treasure unveiling for the day. Come back tomorrow for the rest!

Note: I have started a Poll on my blog, mainly to help me with my personal writing skills. Please check it out!