How to Horrify, Offend, Appall and By Any Other Means Terrify Your English Teacher

One of the first things kids learn about in English Class is the writing process. As they study it, young writers realize how long it is. They realize that there is no way they could ever make it through the first two steps without becoming bored and leaving to go play video games. I think that many children who would otherwise love writing are so overwhelmed by the steps of writing that they leave it to pursue simpler dreams. 


 Below is an essay not meant to be taken seriously, but to take down an overwhelming process and to show just how large of an obstacle it can seem to potential writers of  young ages. And, of course, to offend my English teacher.

The Writing Process: Downfall of Aspiring Authors

Writing is magical. It can produce amazing works of words and destroy the barrier between life and fiction. Most people enjoy journaling or random writing when they can write for fun. The writing process, however, can take the lively right out of writing and can lead to decreased interest in the science of words. If young authors continue to despise writing because it takes too much time and effort, then there may be a shortage of authors in the generations to come.  The writing process, the very thing that leads to polished novels, could be the downfall of the modern telling of tales, and the loss of writing would be a tragedy worse than the development texting language. A tragedy that large would have to be level five disastrous.

 The first step of the writing process is the pre-write. It is not the worst part of writing, but is nowhere near the best. When some people write, they can list idea, after idea, after idea. Prewriting is good for them, because it allows them to organize their jumble of thoughts into a professionally composed piece. For others, the long hours spent on prewriting seem like a waste of precious time that is thrown away as soon as they begin to step two. The truth is, while some people do need to pre-write for hours on end to come up with a good idea, most people end up changing their pre-written ideas once the writing has begun, and find that step one has been nothing but a waste of time.

After the laborious pre-write has been completed, the next step of the writing process can begin. While it can be hard to come up with a lengthy essay just like that, writing is the most popular stage of writing. In fact, it’s the very thing the writing process was named for. When people let the words flow from their fingers, an emotional and heartfelt work can be produced. Nothing before or after stage two can create such a wonderful and unique train of composed thoughts. Although grade school teachers assure their students that this is just a small stage of a long process, the writing is the bulk of it. Every other step makes for a pretty and proper manuscript, but the most important stage in the birth of a manuscript is the writing.

Revision is the third step in the writing process. A step with more necessity that the pre-write, but with a much more reluctant approach. Some writers revise as they write and combine the two steps into one, but most people will have to go back and reread their work countless times before moving on to stage four. Revisions consist of adding elements, taking them out, rearranging bits and pieces, and even rewriting a large percent of a manuscript. While this step can seem like its next friend, editing, revising is harder than an edit because the author must change work that they deem perfect, and it can be hard to change their beloved writing. The sad reality is: their work is almost definitely not perfect.

The fifth step in the writing process is editing. The main purpose of the editing step is to find grammatical and spelling errors. During the fifth step choppy sentences, odd flows, and strange concepts are trimmed and eliminated. This is where most young authors stop. They plan, write, revise, edit, and voila! Their manuscript is complete. While that is enough for most writings, any full works must undergo stage six. The most obnoxious stage of all.

Publishing. The translation of this word is “persevering”. All writing will be rejected, most likely many times, but with enough perseverance, a published book could be the result of a long process.

The question is, why is there a need for such a complex process? There isn’t. Stories can be told in an organized fashion on a first draft, so there is no pre-write necessary, thus eliminating step one. There is absolutely no way to take out step two; writing is the body of writing. Step two remains, end of story. The revising is normally done during the time of writing, so there is no need for a separate step. And when revisions take place, they normally include grammar checks. Because editing is composed entirely of grammar checks, out of the window flies step five.

Four of the six steps of writing have been either eliminated or merged, leaving a once complex process as a simple one-and-done deal. The pesky steps most young writers cower away from don’t have to exist at all.  The writing process had crumbled from six steps, to two, in a matter of paragraphs. Whole, unplanned, unrevised, paragraphs.



When my brother first heard about the complex ways of the writing process he made this face...

But then I told him it  didn't have to be so hard. That made him happy.